I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
