we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
whose ass print is on the piano?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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