I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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