I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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