god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
