I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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