I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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