we're chasing vodka with high fives
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
