Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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