You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
