There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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