I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
