The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
