I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I AM VODKA MAN
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
