i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize