he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
