i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
