hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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