smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
