I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I am mentally ready for anal.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
