plz talk dirty to me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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