I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
