so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
