I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
