He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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