So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
