I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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