he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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