im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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