Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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