I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
