she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
try to milk me bitch
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