dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
