Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
