I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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