also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
