shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
