Jerry, you need to find god
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
