Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize