just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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