Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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