Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
