What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
