Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I smell like Dick and happiness
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
