and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
