the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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