i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
