LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
