I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
