I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
