Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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