I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
