Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
