Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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