My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
