This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
