found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
