Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
