In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
