Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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