i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
