why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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