I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
