Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
